I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
