Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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