i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
false alarm, still single
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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