i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
