You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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