Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
