If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
