my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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