His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
