So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
