i think i scared a bird with my dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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