I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
