Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
