Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize