I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
