Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
