..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
