Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
