Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize