I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
