I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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