I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
