Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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