I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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