Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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