FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
