so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
