Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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