I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize