He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
