Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
