I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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