don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
