I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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