Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
