Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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