You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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