you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
