when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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