Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk is a universal language darling
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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