Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
