I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
