Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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