So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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