Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
