she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
