On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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