dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
