no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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