I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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