I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
