You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
