Can Purell be used as lube?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
