You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
