New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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