now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
