I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
