BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize