I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
