the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
