sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will be naked everywhere
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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