Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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