so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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