Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
smell my finger.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
