I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
