i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
